whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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