Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
