Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
