Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
