I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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