Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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