You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
