Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
