I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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