Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
