did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
