My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
