she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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