ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
