You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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