coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
