We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize