Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
