I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ttyl tear gas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
