At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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