so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
