What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
