and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
