watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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