Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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