I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
