It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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