I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
