Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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