i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
