My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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