Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
