Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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