I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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