So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize