Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
