The maid of honor just puked.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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