3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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