So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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