Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
