i think my mom watched the whole time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
