who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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