I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
