Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
