i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
