dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just pee around me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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