exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
