Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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