So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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