At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
