Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
