I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
