i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
