Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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