Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
