yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
