Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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