How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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