i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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