We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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