i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
