I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
