you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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