Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
