I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
