Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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