I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
