I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
