There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
