so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
