Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
