I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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