I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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