best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
