i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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