I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
